Becoming Emotionally Resilient

With everything in place, you’re now ready to look at the most important part of becoming the best version of yourself: developing emotional resilience.

Our aim is to fortify ourselves so that nothing negative sways us and so that we are consistently an image of calm power.

Sounds ambitious? That’s because it is! But it’s something we can achieve readily as long as we know what it involves and especially now that we have come this far already.

No Flap

We’ve covered ‘no fap’ and now it’s time for ‘no flap’. What does that mean? It means that we’re going to stop ourselves from getting stressed, het up and generally in a flap as far as possible.

To do this, we are going to focus on a few golden rules that will help us to become emotionally bullet-proof and resilient…

Don’t Try to Please Everyone All of the Time

The first thing we’re going to do is to stop trying to ‘please everyone all of the time’.

This is one of the biggest mistakes you can make but it’s very common for anyone who would classify themselves as a ‘people pleaser’. The problem is that people place too many demands on us and it is simply impossible to make everyone happy.

What you need to do instead is to prioritize the people and things that matter most to you. For example, if your friends all want you to meet up next week but doing so is going to take it out of you, then you have to be willing to turn one or several of them down. Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ to people. If they are true friends, they’ll understand and they’ll ask again next week. In all likelihood, they just won’t care!

You can’t be responsible for how these people feel or how they think of you. If you try to pander to everyone then someone will get let down and you’ll push yourself too far – your other goals and objectives will suffer.

Judge Yourself on Your Own Standards

In a similar vein, you need to start judging yourself on your own standards. In other words: stop worrying about what other people think and instead just focus on what you think. Was that the right thing to do? Should you have done X? It doesn’t matter: as long you believe that you were doing the right thing at the time, then you have no reason to doubt yourself, no reason to beat yourself up.

Know Your Priorities

Another source of stress for many of us is to worry about ‘what we should do’ and making decisions.

There are two reasons that this happens.

The first reason is that many of us don’t know what we should do for the best. We don’t know what we want to do and we don’t know which choice will result in the best outcomes.

The solution here is to prioritize. You have your life’s goal now and your mission. Now you can make all future decisions through that lens.

Ask yourself: does this help you with the things that matter most to you. Does this move you closer toward your goals? If not, then perhaps it isn’t the right decision.

The other reason we stall when it comes to making bad decisions is that we don’t want to let others down. Remember: you can’t please everyone. Being a man means being willing to take the flack if you get things wrong. Overall, you’ll come across as much more powerful and much more commanding if you make decisions – even if you occasionally get them wrong.

Likewise, knowing your goal will help you to become a much more confident and much more powerful individual. Most of us are too easily upset by the things that people say or the criticisms we receive.

But if you know your goals and you know what’s important to you, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. In other words, if your goal is to make incredible music and if you know that you’re an incredible musician… then what does it matter if someone calls you short? Or if someone calls you fat?

Train Your Ability to Not Care

The other day, I was filming a video for a YouTube video that I was being well-paid for. It was a great opportunity for my career but in order to get the shot I wanted, I had to take my shoes off and wade into a river. It was freezing cold and I got some stares from people but I had to do it if I wanted the shot.

This is something I greatly dislike about our culture. Why do people feel that they need to understand what everyone else is doing? Why are we all so predictable that if you appear to break out of the pattern of normality, people stare at you and react badly?

You need to be different if you are going to be true to yourself and if you are going to become a leader. Followers cannot be leaders!

Train yourself in more often saying the thing that you shouldn’t say and in acting strangely. Go into a store and order food in a funny voice. Be controversial. Be weird.

Over time, you’ll find that you start to lose your inhibitions and your stress response to awkward situations. This triggers an incredibly powerful transformation that changes the way that people react to you and the way that you go after the things you want. When you can say anything that’s on your mind, you create huge new possibilities. When you aren’t afraid to stand up for yourself, other people will back down – they just aren’t used to it.

This also sends a very strong signal that you are an alpha and a potentially good mate for the opposite sex. The unconscious decision process is that if you are so confident that you are willing to challenge convention, then you must have reason to be that confident. You must be an alpha.

Love Challenge, Love Growth

The other day, I was massively behind on my work and I was very stressed. Then the fence blew down and I had to erect it in strong gusts of wind.

There are two ways to react to this:

  • “I’m never going to finish on time”

Or

  • “Challenge accepted!”

Instead of focusing on your biological tiredness or your stress, instead, see each little challenge as an opportunity for growth. As something more exciting than just pushing pencils and working through documents.

Expect the Worst

To take this to the next level and to build your emotional resilience even further, you can consider the philosophical school known as stoicism. Stoics believe that the best way to think and live healthily is to expect the worst and to prepare for those outcomes.

This sounds negative but in fact, it is simply a means to fortify yourself emotionally and practically. Instead of only preparing for positive outcomes, hypothesize as to what you would do if you were diagnosed with an illness, or if you were to lose your job.

How would you cope? What would you do? Knowing your response means you’ll be caught less off guard if it does happen and it means you’ll be ready to deal with everything that comes.

Try to find the beauty in things that go wrong and focus on the growth and the goals.

No matter what happens, you can always grow and you can always move toward your goals.

If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger.